The big homecoming football game pits the South Park Cows against their arch rivals, the Middle Park Cowboys. Uncle Jimbo has convinced the rest of the town to bet heavily on his nephew, Stan, the star quarterback, to beat the sixty point spread. But when Stan discovers his new dog Sparky is gay, he becomes so confused he loses his will to play in the big game. A mysterious, magical new friend, Big Gay Al, helps Stan understand the wonders of being gay and sends him back into the game.
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Stan's new dog Sparky follows the boys to the bus stop one morning. To determine whether Sylvester, a local mutt, or Sparky is the toughest dog in South Park, Stan and Cartman encourage the dogs to fight, when Sparky suddenly leaps on top of Sylvester and begins humping him energetically. Sylvester runs away yelping, and Cartman declares that Sparky is apparently a "gay homosexual."
At football practice for the South Park Cows team, Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his buddy Ned show up and ask coach Chef whether the boys can beat the betting spread of 70 points. Impressed by a play from Stan, the quarterback and star, Jimbo and Ned run off to the bookmaker where Jimbo puts $500 on the team. As a result, everyone else bets all their money on the team, and they threaten Jimbo if the Cows lose. Intimidated, Jimbo and Ned seek a backup plan and learn that John Stamos's brother Richard will be singing "Lovin' You" at halftime. Consequently, they plan to blow up the mascot for Middle Park, the opposing team. They place a bomb on the horse mascot, set to detonate via a sonic triggering device as Richard Stamos sings the high F note in the song.
After practice, Sparky shows up and mounts another dog, Rex, who also runs away yelping with his tail between his legs. The next day, after class, Stan asks Mr. Garrison what a homosexual is, prompting Mr. Garrison to claim "Gay people are evil." As a result, Stan attempts to make his dog more masculine. First, he presents Sparky with Fifi, a female poodle, a plan which fails miserably when Sparky steals Fifi's pearl collar rather than having sex with her. Thinking that homosexuality might not be bad, Stan calls up Jesus on his show Jesus and Pals to ask him what he thinks of homosexuality. Before he can answer, though, the show abruptly ends in time for Cartman's favorite show, "Marty's Movie Reviews". Frustrated, Stan rants about wanting a butch dog, a Rin Tin Tin. Sparky overhears this and runs away to the mountains, ending up at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.
Concerned about his dog, Stan looks for him, missing the start of the football game. He finds Sparky at the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, where he learns from Big Gay Al that homosexuality has been around for a long time, and Stan eventually accepts his dog's homosexuality. Meanwhile, Richard Stamos fails to hit the high note at half time, prompting Mr. Garrison to shout, "It's obvious where all the talent in that family went!" Returning to the final moments of the game, Stan steps in as the quarterback, passing the ball to Kyle for a touchdown that beats the betting spread as time runs out. In his speech after the game, Stan tells the people of South Park about the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary and that "it's okay to be gay."
He leads the people to the site of the Sanctuary, but it has mysteriously disappeared; people's runaway pets, however, return. Before leaving, Big Gay Al thanks Stan for enlightening everyone. Although the Cows beat the spread, Richard Stamos shows up to prove he can hit the high note that he missed earlier, triggering the bomb and killing the Cowboys' mascot.
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