When Cartman's environmental essay wins a national contest, America's sweetheart, Kathie Lee Gifford, comes to South Park to present this award on national television. While Cartman is busy bulking up for his TV debut, Mr. Garrison suffers flashbacks of childhood humiliation at the hands of Mrs. Gifford. Mr. Hat convinces Garrison to even the score once and for all, and together they hatch a malevolent plot to kill Kathie Lee! Stan, Kyle and Wendy must stop the deranged Mr. Garrison before it's too late.
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At the beginning of the episode, teacher Mr. Garrison announces that third-grader Cartman has won the South Park Elementary's "Save Our Fragile Planet" essay contest, much to the anger of his classmate Wendy, who immediately suspects him of cheating. The rest of the town becomes a flurry of excitement upon learning celebrity television host Kathie Lee Gifford will come to South Park to present Cartman with an award on national television. Mayor McDaniels plans a big event to showcase the town, with hopes of furthering her own career. She recruits cafeteria worker Chef to sing at the event, unaware Chef has plans to seduce Gifford through his song. Mr. Garrison directs rehearsals for a play with the schoolchildren depicting the history of South Park, which is to be shown at the event. Mayor McDaniels is horrified, however, to learn the historically accurate play includes children playing pioneers who attack and brutally beat the students portraying Native Americans.
Unbeknownst to the rest of town, Mr. Garrison relives a traumatic childhood memory in which a young Gifford defeated him in a national talent show. Mr. Garrison is manipulated by his hand puppet, Mr. Hat, to assassinate Gifford out of revenge. He purchases a large rifle from Jimbo's gun shop and plots to shoot her from the window of a book depository. Meanwhile, Cartman is excited to appear on live television, and Mayor McDaniels instructs him to get into shape for Gifford's visit. Later, Cartman watches a television commercial for "Weight Gain 4000", a bodybuilding supplement, and asks his mom to buy it for him. Cartman becomes extremely fat from the product, although he believes he is in excellent shape and the excess weight is strictly muscle. Back at the school, Wendy looks through Mr. Garrison's papers and confirms Cartman indeed cheated on the contest by writing his name on a copy of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Wendy also uncovers Mr. Garrison's assassination plan, and enlists her friend Stan's help to stop him.
Most of the town attends the celebratory event and Mr. Garrison takes his position in the book depository. As Gifford approaches, however, he is frustrated to see she is hidden behind a bulletproof glass bubble hitched to the top of a car. Wendy and Stan arrive and try unsuccessfully to stop him, saying that they understand his pain, but Mr. Garrison fires a shot and misses, hitting third-grader Kenny in the head. Kenny is propelled through the air and impaled on a flagpole. Gifford's bodyguards whisk Gifford away, costing a disappointed Cartman his chance to be on television. Wendy takes to the stage and reveals that Cartman cheated on his essay, but the townspeople are too upset about Gifford's departure to care. Mr. Garrison is taken to a mental hospital, where Mr. Hat is placed into a straightjacket. Mr. Garrison apologizes to the kids for costing the town to be on television, although Kyle explains to him that Cartman is now appearing on Geraldo because of his tremendous obesity. While being aired on live television, Cartman shouts, "Follow your dreams. You can reach your goals; I'm living proof ... Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!" The episode ends with Chef having sex with Gifford while watching Geraldo, with Chef saying that Cartman needs to 'run his ass around the block a few times'.
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